“What’s love got to do with it?”

If marriages are meant, expected in fact, to last until death, why is it that today, many marriages do not last past the honeymoon?

To answer that question we have to look at the original meaning and purpose of marriage, in contrast with present societal mores.

Today’s adults are not equipped, mentally or emotionally, to deal with the consequences of lifestyle changes that have taken place.

Throughout history marriage was seen as an irrevocable contract between two families, for social, economic and reproductive purposes. Marriage was inevitable, dissolution impossible.

Familial ties were binding, not essentially out of love, but out of necessity. The family unit provided a safe haven for the members, ensuring that material and physical needs were met. In times of crisis, the family served as a support system.

The elder members of the family passed on the customs and traditions orally from generation to generation and made all the rules. There was no refuge for the non-conforming.

As in most cultures, not all, inheritances were passed on through male descendants; chastity for womyn became an important rule. If womyn were allowed multiple partnerships, paternity could not be determined; succession of property would be negatively affected.

Times changed. Advances in technology altered the way people lived as well as the way information was disseminated. The human scene was transformed forever.

The Kinsey Reports published in 1948 and 1953 had a tremendous impact on sexuality. The two volumes, “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male” and “Sexual Behavior in the Human Female” revealed that homosexuality and adultery were more prevalent than generally believed and accepted.

Two world wars taught womyn that they could survive on their own. They could work, make a living, and raise children. The advent of the birth control pill in late 1950’s gave womyn total control over their reproductive system. The 60’s became known as the decade of the “sexual revolution”. Womyn were free to enjoy and express their sexuality without fear of unwanted pregnancies.

We live in a world of confusion, inner conflict, and turmoil, yet we are not ready to recognize that the dynamics of marriage have changed. It is hard to imagine that it was only in western cultures of the 20th century that the notion of “romantic marriage” became pervasive. Marriage has become a “relationship” with the component of “love” as its main ingredient. The problem is that love is transitory and relationships require hard work to maintain.

The situation is aggravated since working on a relationship, demands working on the self. Most individuals do not have the courage to face the demons lurking within, thus are reluctant to examine old constraining mental precepts. Yet, it is only when we become stronger and more confident as individuals that relationships will blossom.